I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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