who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
