Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
