Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
