K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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