In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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