first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
