Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
