wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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