did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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