I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this hospital has no fireball
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
