My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
