Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
