I accidentally had phone sex last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
