i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
