My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
