What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
