K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im part way to drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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