I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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