cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
