My nipple is on Facebook.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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