We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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