he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
