You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
