It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
