its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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