wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
