hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
