drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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