Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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