Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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