I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently the secret to your success is patron
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
