he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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