Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
