things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize