Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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