i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
