dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
