I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
