and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I supernannyed him into submission
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
