I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
