YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
