Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
