Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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