Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
