My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
