Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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