My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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