jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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