I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
