I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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