I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So much rum. So many feels.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
