my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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