I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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