Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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