Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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