Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
