I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
