she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
