you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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