I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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