He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
