Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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