He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize