Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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