We won't sleep together?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
