ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
