i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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