I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
