i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
