I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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