i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
