So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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